


Feel

by masulevin



Series: Northern Lights [4]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Custom Female Ryder | Sara, F/M, Face-Sitting, Handcuffs, Light BDSM, Misuse of Biotics, Play Fighting, Post-Coital Cuddling, Scratching, Sexting, Showers, Synthesis Ending, Teasing, Unreliable Narrator, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 06:48:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16990068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masulevin/pseuds/masulevin
Summary: James and Avery's one night stand has turned into something of a friends-with-benefits relationship, one she's happy to enjoy without thinking about the future. When he asks if she's interested in trying out handcuffs... she doesn't even consider saying no.





	Feel

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not dead! This is mostly inspired by a prompt from mssaboteur back when I was doing smutty July prompts. I'm hoping the extra five thousand words makes up for making you wait five extra months??
> 
> So if you're gonna stay, then stay  
> But if you're gonna go  
> Make sure that you hurt me just enough to  
> Make me feel something...  
> "Feel Something" by Jaymes Young

_ > To: A. Ryder _ _  
_ _ > From: J. Vega _

_ > Subj: Free? _ _  
_ _ > I got something you might like to try... _

If Avery was worried that her nightmare, panic attack, and emotional unloading on James would scare him away, she shouldn’t have been. He takes to messaging her most days, and each time her omnitool buzzes with the special alert she set up for him, her heart does a little flip in her chest that she absolutely hates. They chat about everything and nothing, and whenever he’s on base during her lunch break, they grab food and talk then too.

It’s  _ almost  _ like they’re dating, and it would be easy to let herself get used to his presence in her life, but Avery knows better. They don’t talk about the future. They don’t make any promises. She’s probably going to stay in London -- she has no plans to ask for a transfer, and there isn’t a reason that she knows of for her to get a new assignment -- and he’s going to get his orders to ship out again soon. There’s too much going on for him to be on leave indefinitely, even given everything he went through serving on the Normandy.

Even so, it’s so easy to invite him over again when she starts to get that itch under her skin. It feels so easy to just fuck him until she can’t remember any of the stresses that plague her, to just let him consume her until she’s nothing but a quivering mess on the bed and he has a smug, if exhausted, smirk on his handsome face.

Sometimes James wants to be distracted too. Whatever ghosts follow Avery are matched by the ones James has picked up over his years in the Alliance and his months on the Normandy. Sometimes he invites himself over and his kisses feel desperate, hungry, and Avery is happy to take that burden away from him even if just for a night.

Those are the times  _ she  _ gets to feel smug and exhausted, and he always smiles up at her like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

No matter what they do, he always holds her after. He always runs his fingers through her sweat-damp hair and kisses her forehead or her temple or her cheek. He always stays until she falls asleep, and more often than not he’s still there in the morning to share a cup of coffee before she has to go back to work.

She bites her lip and presses her thighs together as she responds to his message. She doesn’t even have to think about it. She knows what she wants.

_ > To: J. Vega _ _  
_ _ > From: A. Ryder _

_ > Subj: RE: Free? _ _  
_ _ > Not even going to give me a hint? _

She waits for a few seconds before forcing herself to go back to work. She’s behind on her to-do list already, and adding James as the last item is only going to make the rest of her day seem longer. 

She still checks when the next message comes in. 

_ JV: What? Don’t like surprises? _

She does, actually. She just likes knowing what she has to look forward to more.

_ AR: Aww, just a hint? Tell me what you have for me, Jimmy… _

His response comes faster this time, just a picture attachment that loads too slowly for Avery’s sudden impatience. A pair of electronic handcuffs dangle from his fingers, activated and glowing orange. Avery’s mind is filled with images of her wrists constrained behind her, face pushed into her mattress as James looms over her…

That derails almost immediately as she gets a follow-up message from him.

_ JV: Thought you could use them on me tonight. _

_ JV: Or whenever youre free. _

The mental images turn to  _ James  _ with the handcuffs behind his back, on a chair and unable to move as she sucks him off and edges him until he’s a mess and just begging for her to let him come… or maybe she can handcuff his hands to her bed frame and do the same thing while she’s riding him, but he might literally break the bed if they try that. Maybe the bed wherever he’s staying is more sturdy…

Her omnitool pings again and she realizes she’s just been staring at her terminal screen, unmoving, for several minutes.

_ JV: Bad idea? _

_ AR: No no, good idea. Idea so good I’m going to be wet all day just thinking about it. _

_ AR: You have a lot to live up to. _

_ JV: I think I can handle it. _

_ JV: So tonight yeah? Usual time? _

_ AR: Yup. See you then. _

...yeah. It’s going to be a long, frustrating day.

\---

Avery takes a slightly cooler than normal shower when she gets home from work, unhappily aware that there are still several hours to kill before James makes his way over.

She should have invited him for dinner or something. It would have shortened the time before he walked in the door, and they probably would have ended up having sex before going anywhere anyway. A win-win in Avery’s book, honestly. They probably would have had sex two or three times… once before dinner, maybe once in the restaurant bathroom or on their way home, again back at her house… 

She entertains herself with thoughts of teasing James under the table of a restaurant with her foot while he tries to keep a straight face, ending with him dragging her outside, desperately searching for enough privacy to lift her skirt out of the way only to realize she was bare underneath the whole time…

By the time the doorbell rings, Avery is basically vibrating with excitement. She yanks the door open and tugs him into her house by the chain of his dog tags that are always dangling on the outside of his shirt. He laughs, easy and low, and scoops her off of her feet with his arms around her waist so he can kiss her as he steps over her threshold. 

She clutches him tighter and uses her grip to climb up his body until her legs are firmly around his waist and her arms are around his neck. He laughs again as she clings to him, but he gamely kicks her door closed behind him and carries her up the steps to her room, supporting her weight until he can drop her onto her mattress. She bounces as she falls and she laughs, but she sits up and pulls her shirt off before he can clamber on top of her.

He follows suit, dropping his shirt where hers fell and then pushing his pants down when she kicks her workout shorts off so she’s completely bare. He smirks at her and finally climbs onto the bed, hovering over her as she puts her hands on his jaw to pull him down for a kiss. He lets her direct him, lets her lead the kiss into something slow and easy, and he smiles against her lips as he settles his body against hers.

She moans quietly against his lips, her whole body relaxing under his touch. The earlier frantic energy begins to bleed away as she finally gets to feel his warm skin against hers, the comforting bulk of him pressing against her chest. She digs her fingernails into his back, scratching hard enough to make him hiss into her mouth, and she laughs as he pulls back.

“Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be?” James demands, propping himself up with his palms flat on either side of her head so he can stare down at her with one brow lifted. 

Avery stares right back, admiring the play of scars across his face and the rough stubble growing in at the end of a long day, and hooks her legs around his waist so he can’t pull farther away. She arches her hips up toward him and grinds against the growing bulge only barely hidden by the briefs he’s still wearing. A muscle in his jaw twitches at the contact, but he doesn’t otherwise react to her teasing.

She licks her lips. That’s definitely going to change by the time she’s through with him. 

She parts her lips now and arches up toward him, trying to lure him down for a kiss. He doesn’t hesitate before giving in, grinning a little against her mouth as he kisses her, swiping his tongue against hers as she curls her fingers against his scalp.

He doesn’t have enough time to react when she tenses her muscles and flips them, using her training for something fun for once, and she pins his arms over his head with her nails digging into his wrists. His muscles bunch under her touch, and she pushes back with more pressure with her hands and with her hips against his. He twitches under her, his cock responding to her actions even as the rest of him puts up a token struggle, and she leans down to bite at his lower lip.

He groans, long and low, and digs his heels into her bed to help him thrust up against her. She giggles and bites him again, pressing the tops of her feet against his thigh to give herself more leverage as she moves over him, grinding against him until his cock is pressing against her clit through his underwear and she’s shivering above him.

“Having,  _ uhn,  _ having fun up there?” His breath is coming faster now, his muscles still twitching under her, and she wiggles her hips from side to side until his eyes flutter closed and a red blush blooms on his handsome cheeks.

She chews on the inside of her lip to keep from groaning herself and ruining the illusion of her cool exterior. When she gets herself under control, she leans down until she can lick James’ lower lip, then pulls only far enough away to deny the kiss he wants. 

“I believe I was promised a toy?” She brushes her nose against his when he strains up to kiss her again, denying him once more.

His eyes pop open and then narrow at her. “What, other than the ones you already have?”

She flashes him a grin. “If you want me to use one of them on you, you just have to ask.”

He blinks up at her, momentarily silenced in surprise at the suggestion, and she can actually see him warring with the decision before he shakes his head and dismisses it. A pity, but not something to be disappointed about for more than a second, not with him still hard against her clit with the promise of teasing him for as long as he can hold out still on the table.

“You’ll have to let me up if you want the cuffs,” he says, trying to pull his hands free of her grasp and almost succeeding before she manages to pin him back to the mattress. A lock of her hair slips from its tie at the base of her neck and falls against his cheek, and he blows at it to move it away from his skin. She giggles at the sight of his eyes crossing to focus on it, and then she shrieks when he lunges into action.

His body is too big for stealth, muscles carefully developed and sculpted for showy moves of strength rather than fast moves of dexterity, but he still manages to flip them over with an ease she wasn’t expecting, not when she was busy laughing at him. Her yell of surprise changes into high-pitched giggles as he pins both her hands with one of his, using his free one to fish around off the edge of the bed until he manages to grab what she was asking for. He presses against the side of the cuffs with his thumb, activating the electronic field, and they flicker to life in front of her.

“Maybe I should use these on you instead,” he says, voice a low rumble that makes her stomach tighten in anticipation. “I already have you where I want you.” He lowers the handcuffs enough so that the electronic bit touches the skin between her breasts, and it buzzes pleasantly against her biotic field. She ignores that as easily as she ignores the feeling of him pressing his cock against her ass. 

She licks her lips instead and watches his gaze drop to her mouth. “I dunno, Jimmy, I was sort of picturing tonight going a little differently.” She locks her ankles behind his back and pulls herself up to grind against him too. The movement is harder than what he was expecting, she guesses, because his eyes flutter closed again and his grip tightens on her wrists.

“Oh? And what were you expecting?” He opens his eyes and smirks down at her like she’s powerless in this situation, like even though he’s the one who suggested she use the handcuffs on him, she’s the one about to get bound to the headboard and fucked within an inch of her life. The idea still makes her shiver and wetness gather between her thighs, more even than James inspired with their wrestling, but she’s on a mission here. She’s going to get what she wants, what he asked for.

Instead of answering his question, she closes her eyes and concentrates. It’s harder than it used to be, but the results are the same. The feeling of the mass effect fields around them shifting moves over her skin, and she hears the second James realizes what she’s doing, because he murmurs a heartfelt “Oh fuck” moments before she opens her eyes. Her bedroom is awash in blue light, and she stares right into James’ eyes as she pushes him off of her, holding him immobile and forcing him onto his back.

She follows his slow movements, crawling over him to pluck the handcuffs from his immobilized hand, and she watches with a growing smirk as his gaze darkens and his cock twitches in his briefs, a small damp spot appearing at the tip.

“Oh, yeah?” she murmurs, leaning over him to bind his wrists to the head of her bed, his hands stretched between the vertical posts. Her position puts her breasts in his face, in easy reach of his tongue if she just lets up on the mass effect field.

She doesn’t, and she instead glances down to see a red flush extending from his face down his chest, warring with the green lights that flicker under his skin and the blue biotics that flicker over it. She sits up again and settles on his chest, knees pressing against either side of his ribs, and she beams down at the expression on his face.

“ _ This  _ is how I thought tonight would go, Major. Doing okay down there?” She releases her stasis field and James’ body bucks under hers as he tries to throw her weight off, but she stays on his chest even as she squeals in surprise and then laughs. “Is that a no?”

He relaxes and blinks up at her, apparently struggling to find his words. His lips part as he starts to speak, but he pauses to clear his throat instead. “Keep going.”

She blinks down at him and a cheshire-cat grin grows across her face. He swallows hard. “I don’t think you’re the one in charge here, James.” She holds on as he yanks hard on the handcuffs; the bed frame rattles dangerously, just like she was worried it would, but it holds firm and she breathes out a sigh of relief. 

She bends back down into his space and waits until he reaches up to try for a kiss. She hovers just out of his reach and grins instead of allowing the contact, smothering a little giggle at the way he drops his head back to the mattress. Still content to tease, she leans a little closer and swipes her tongue across his lower lip, dodging when he tries to kiss her once more.

He squeezes his eyes closed on a frustrated groan, and she takes pity on him finally, kissing the corner of his mouth to force him to turn into her once more. She grants him this kiss, smiling when he draws in a shuddering breath against her lips, and then pulls away.

She finally has him where she’s been picturing him all day, and she’s going to take full advantage. Her moving hands catch his attention as she cups her breasts, teasing him more than herself with firm pinches, and then slides her hands down over her stomach. She leaves her left hand resting on her thigh and dips the middle finger of her right to touch her clit.

A shudder rips through her body at her first press, already worked up from thinking about this all afternoon, and James yanks on the handcuffs again. She ignores his movement and the dangerous-sounding rattle, choosing instead to pull her hair from its band with her free hand so that it spills around her shoulders in tangled red waves that she knows he’ll want to dig his fingers into. She still works herself, hovering over his chest, so close that he can hear the wet sounds of her fingers working herself up and smell her arousal that’s dripping onto his chest.

She winds up fast, faster than she’d like, so she stops and peers down at him. He looks like he’s being tortured in the best way, his mouth hanging open and his eyes dark, and it takes him several deep breaths to look up at meet her eyes again, a question across his handsome face wondering  _ what’s next? _

In silent answer, she scoots back, pushing herself off his chest and down to straddle his hips, smiling down at the wet spot she leaves behind over his breastbone, and she grinds against him to get more delicious friction on her clit. She shivers over him, leaning her head back as she sighs, her hair tickling the middle of her back, and James twitches in an aborted movement to reach for her. 

The rattling pulls Avery’s attention back to him, and she continues her slow grind as she runs her hands slowly up her stomach. He watches her, transfixed on the movement, chest heaving with each breath, and swears again when she reaches her breasts. She toys with herself, kneading her flesh before pinching and tugging at her nipples again, enjoying putting on a show.

James mutters something in Spanish, something that sounds like a curse and reminds her she should update her translator to include human languages, and then gives her a pleading look. “You’re killing me here,” he says. Even with the puppy-dog eyes he’s giving her, he looks absolutely debauched, pupils blown wide and a bright flush on his cheeks and down his chest. She beams down at him and continues her gentle teasing.

“You shouldn’t have given me the idea then,” she says, still grinning, and pushes her weight up onto her knees so he loses even the light friction on his waiting cock. He growls at her, the sound reverberating from deep in his chest, and he tilts his hips up toward her. She climbs off the bed completely, her feet silent on the floor, and he collapses back with a groan.

“Tell me if it’s too much, but until then…” she scratches across his ribs, hard enough to leave faint red lines over the grooves of his muscles, and catches the hem of his briefs in her fingers. She pulls them down over his hips, teasingly slowly down his legs, and then discards them on the floor without a care. 

His cock rests heavy against his stomach, leaking and red at the tip peeking out of his foreskin. He shifts his hips restlessly, bending his knees so he can brace his heels against her mattress. Their eyes meet as she draws gentle fingers from his ankle up to his inner thigh, stopping just short of where she knows he wants to be touched. His cock twitches in thwarted anticipation and he clenches his jaw, making the muscle jump under his skin.

Her lips twist into a smirk and she continues up along the side of her bed, trailing her fingers over his hip bone and ribs, pausing to pinch and tug one of his nipples. This makes the muscle in his jaw twitch again and the bedframe groan as he yanks at his restraints. 

Her fingers continue their wandering path up his body, brushing over his parted lips and then through his hair, tugging at the mohawk that she’s pretty sure isn’t Alliance regulation, and using her grip to tilt his head back until he’s arching his back and squirming once more.

This isn’t even her usual thing. She usually prefers to be the one in handcuffs, the one helpless and desperate in her lover’s bed, squirming against the desire building up inside of her, but… something about seeing James like this, eyes dark and skin flushed because of  _ her _ , because he wants her so desperately that he’s willing to play along with this little game is making her wet enough that she can feel it on her inner thighs.

Inspired, she releases his hair and dips her fingers between her legs instead. She wets them thoroughly, grinning as James’ eyes narrow in on the motion, and then offers them to him to clean off. He does, drawing them into his mouth and wrapping his tongue around them. When he flicks his tongue over her fingertips, he meets her gaze and winks, and she laughs again.

“Smug bastard.” She pulls her fingers free of his mouth and climbs on the bed, slinging her leg over his shoulder so she’s straddling his face and facing the foot of the bed. She doesn’t wait for him to speak, just braces her hands on his chest and lowers herself to his mouth.

His groan travels through her whole body as his tongue connects, and she digs her nails into his skin in response. He laps at her like he was born to it, like he’s been waiting to do it for hours, like he never wants to do anything else for as long as he lives. She grinds against him as the pleasure washes over her in waves, as it makes goosebumps stand out on her skin, as her legs begin to shake and she loses her balance. She falls forward and catches herself with her hands on either side of his hips, and she takes advantage of the position to grind harder against his tongue as she comes with a muffled cry.

He doesn’t stop, because he never does, just groans and strains his neck so he can press harder into her cunt. She curls in on herself and rests her forehead against his stomach, trembling through the aftershocks as he chuckles with his face still pressed against her.

As soon as she calms, she tilts her head to the side to rest her cheek against his stomach instead, staring straight at his cock just inches away from her face. The tip is red and leaking, a puddle of precome forming on the fine hairs that cover his stomach. She blinks at the sight once and then moves forward to lick him in return, first cleaning the little puddle and then the tip of him.

He groans long and low as her tongue makes contact with his sensitive skin, then he redoubles his efforts while arching his hips toward her face. She chuckles and licks him again, little motions designed to tease him instead of taking the edge off in any significant way, and then props herself back up on one arm so she can hold the base and tease the head with more precision. His hips flex under her attention, pushing his cock closer to her mouth, and she pulls away in retaliation, smothering a laugh at the aggravated groan he releases against her core.

She props herself back up with her hands on either side of his hips and does her absolute best to focus her attention on gathering up her biotics again with his tongue working inside of her like he’ll happily die there. When she finally does, it’s more than worth it to hear his unrestrained groan when he can’t keep up licking her while the little mass effect fields glow blue and crawl over his skin.

James starts to call out what sounds like it could be her name, but she lowers her body closer to his mouth again to encourage him to lick her more. She feels like she can come again like this, even focusing on the mini-stasis field she has pulsating around his hips and cock, and she certainly wants to try before she gives up to focus on him again. He obeys but is clearly distracted, his rhythm gone in favor of sucking on her clit in a move designed to get her off as fast as possible. 

She tightens her control over the biotics, upping the pressure -- or maybe the frequency, she’s never quite gotten a handle on the  _ why  _ of the biotics, just the  _ how to kill someone or get your lover off  _ bits -- and focuses them on his cock and his balls and on the spot inside of him she knows he’d love her touching if she could convince him to let her have just one try. Based on the way his groan turns into a whine between her thighs, she thinks maybe next time she asks, he’ll say yes.

The suction on her clit increases, pulling her second orgasm from her faster than she was expecting. She grinds against his face, riding it, chasing that peak until she barrels over the edge with a shout of his name. He licks her through it like he always does and then she pushes herself back up on her knees and out of his reach, trembling and overstimulated, and he doesn’t chase her.

Instead, he whines again and tugs at his bindings, the bed’s rattle a little louder, and digs his heels into the mattress to push his hips toward the stimulation of her biotics like his movements will help him get more pressure on his cock.

She opens her eyes, blinking slowly to clear them of the last remnants of her pleasure, and gazes down at the man under her. He’s glowing blue and his cock is red, damp from her mouth and steadily dripping onto his stomach. It twitches under her gaze, another drop spilling from the tip, and James grunts and thrusts into empty air again. 

He’s too close, and she releases her biotics to leave him untouched again.

The cursing between her thighs is explosive, beginning with a heartfeld  _ “Joder!”  _ and ending with others she doesn’t recognize even from their other times together, and she can’t help but giggle again as she climbs to the floor on shaky legs to dig around in her drawer for a condom to move the evening forward. There’s only so much teasing a man can take.

He’s given up cursing when she turns back around, condom in one hand and foil wrapper floating to the floor, and he’s just glaring instead, every muscle tense and poised to strike. She beams at him, her most winning smile aimed at him, and he narrows his eyes even more.

She climbs back onto the bed and kneels between his legs and, despite his silence, he spreads his thighs a bit to make sure she has room to be comfortable. She rolls the condom on with delicate motions, careful not to squeeze him any harder than strictly necessary. Even so, he twitches under her light touches and she can see the muscle working in his jaw again. She winks at him.

“Holding up okay?” She gives him a hard stroke and he nearly lifts off the mattress, catching his groan in his throat as he moves. She beams down at him. “I can just… let you go home if it’s too much,” she offers, false generosity oozing off her in waves. “I don’t want to break you.” She pumps him again and moves to straddle his waist, lining herself up so she’ll be able to sink down onto him, which she does after a teasingly long hesitation.

She doesn’t even get a chance to enjoy the feeling of him filling her. It’s like he’s been hit by a live wire when she draws him into herself -- he snaps his hips up to meet her, springing into action, and his next jerk against his restraints finally snaps one of the bars of her headboard. He loops his arms, still attached at the wrists, around her neck and flips them over, moving over her until her head is hanging off the foot of the bed and he’s only holding on with his fingers digging into the edge of her mattress.

She bites off a scream, clutching his back with nails just a bit too long, and he bites her neck in retaliation. He fucks into her, hard, pent up frustration too much to control. Each snap of his hips hits her deep inside, the pain of his teeth on her skin turning into pleasure in her brain as she begins to see stars. She scratches his back, heedless of whether she’s breaking the skin, and bends her knees under his onslaught, trusting him to either hold them on the bed or catch her if they begin to fall. It feels like he’s going to hammer right through her, all his strength going into paying back what she’s been dishing out.

She wails again, not caring that her neighbors are going to complain about the noise again. She deserves  _ this. _

James leaves biting kisses over her neck and shoulder, grunts rumbling from his chest each time he’s fully seated in her. Sweat builds between them, pooling between her breasts and dripping from the tip of his nose into the dip of her collar bone. She scratches him again, then raises one hand to grasp the longer hairs at the top of his head. He growls as she pulls and sucks at the base of her throat, and she doesn’t even care that she’s going to have a bruise there she’ll have to try and hide for the next week or more.

“James, James,  _ fuck!”  _ She wants to warn him she’s going to come again, or ask him to slow down, or ask him to go harder, but she can’t get the words out as she slips farther off the bed and she has to cling to him even more.

Either way, he doesn’t slow down, just releases her skin from between his teeth long enough to hiss back at her, “Is this what you wanted?” She nods frantically, words gone. “For me to fuck you through the mattress? This is what you get for all that goddamn teasing.” He twists and bites the other side of her neck, leaving matching bruises on both sides. “You drive me crazy, you know that?”

The sharp snaps of his hips punctuate his words in an odd rhythm, but she can’t hear them anyway, not with the way her body is going tight and hot and she’s scared to fall, scared to let go and plunge into that darkness without him with her.

He doesn’t give her a choice, his voice going rough and slipping into Spanish as he barrels straight for his end without concern for hers. His last shuddering thrusts and sharp bite on her collarbone pull her with him, and she scratches his back and pulls at his hair as it rolls through her, making her lose any control she still had. She starts to cry out, but the noise get stuck in her throat, only letting a hoarse gasp of James’ name escape.

His broad body relaxes and then they finally slip off the end of the bed. She lands in a quivering heap and he catches himself awkwardly with his hands, still stuck together, and slides to the side so he doesn’t crush her.

He starts to laugh first, deep rumbles that make her start to giggle, and she twists herself around until she can press their lips together. The kiss is slow and punctuated by chuckles from both of them, amusement and relief making it hard to stop.

When she thinks she can sit up, she ducks out of his embrace and deactivates the handcuffs. He sits up and rolls out his shoulders, giving her a smug once-over to take in the love bites he left behind.

She blinks at him, almost equally smug, and then forces herself to her feet. “If we get real close, we can both fit in that shower. Then you’re going to help me put on some medigel.”

He beams up at her. “You got it, boss.” She rolls her eyes at the name and shakes her head, but he doesn’t seem to care. He removes the condom with a little hiss, then a little frown. “Oh, uh… it broke.”

Avery purses her lips and shifts from foot to foot. “When was your last test?”

He clambers to his feet as he answers, “Couple months ago, when we got back to London. Came back clean.” 

“Yeah, okay. Mine was the week after we met. Also clean. Contraceptive implant good for twenty-three more months, but better safe than sorry I guess. I can take care of it.”

She tilts her head toward her bathroom and he steps back so she can move past him. She trails her fingers over his arm to let him know she’s not upset at the accident, that he’s still invited, that there’s even more reason for them to get clean now, and he follows along behind her like she knew he would.

He rubs her shoulders while she turns the shower on and waits for the water to heat, and she leans her back against his chest at the familiar contact. This is more intimate than she ever intended to be with him that night she picked him up in the club. He’s a soldier, an N7 for fuck’s sake, and he’s going to leave London just as soon as she’s fallen for him, and then where will she be? Pining after him? Miserable waiting for him to come home, like her mom waiting around for Alec?

The kiss James presses to the top of her head shakes her out of her spiraling thoughts and brings another blush to her face. He squeezes her shoulders and rubs his hands up and down her arms, little gestures of comfort that he somehow instinctively knows she needs. “Hey, are you mad?”

“Huh?” The water is warm when she checks it, but he doesn’t let her step into the shower stall. He turns her instead, holding her in place with gentle fingers until she looks at him and he can see the genuine confusion written on her face. His question was so far from what she was thinking that she doesn’t even know what she has to be mad about. When he doesn’t clarify, she runs back over the last few minutes… “Oh, that you broke the bed?” She shrugs. “I can probably fix it. I bet it wasn’t the first time for you.” She runs her hands up his sides and reaches up for a kiss, which he gives her with a little smile and a shake of the head.

She wriggles free of his grip and hops in the shower, cranking the heat up just a little more when she shivers. James pushes in behind her, taking up too much space in the stall, and hisses when the water hits his skin.

“You trying to cook me alive?” he demands.

She giggles and turns to face him, pressing her chest against his again while he reaches over her shoulder for her shampoo. “You’re welcome to wait out in the cold,” she says, or she starts to say, but his big hands suddenly rubbing through her hair cut her off mid-thought as she lets out a quiet, startled moan.

His chuckle reverberates from his chest into hers, but she just leans against him and lets her rub the shampoo into her hair.

“Shouldn’t I be doing this for you?” she mutters, turning enough to nuzzle against his breastbone. “I mean, I was the one sitting on  _ your _ face.”

“Nah.” James’ answer is swift as he finishes rubbing the shampoo down to the ends of her hair. “You’re too short to wash my hair anyway.”

She tips her head up to frown at him, but his smirk makes it impossible to even pretend to be mad. “I’m a normal height for a human woman, James. You’re just too tall.”

He’s still laughing when he manhandles her back under the showerhead to rinse, and she sputters as the water runs down her face and into her mouth. She can feel him moving as she rubs the shampoo away from her eyes, and when she opens them again she sees him scrubbing his face clean with both hands. 

Yeah, that’s fair.

The rest of the shower goes faster, awkwardly maneuvering around each other to get as clean as possible before the hot water runs out, moving around elbows and shivering more often than not. She towels off and stands at the mirror to braid her hair so it won’t be wholly unmanageable in the morning, taking the time to admire James’ naked form as he squeezes past her and makes a beeline for her bed.

There are several long scratches across his shoulders, and several shorter ones near his spine and at the nape of his neck, and that must have stung like hell when shampoo ran into them but he didn’t mention it at all. He starts to fall backward onto her bed, but she snaps out, “Don’t get blood on my sheets,” so he twists around to flop onto his stomach instead. “I’ll bring the medigel.” He offers her a thumbs up but doesn’t move otherwise, and she smiles fondly as she ties off her braid and digs around in the cabinet for the little tin of ointment she’s started keeping for little injuries like this.

She sits on the small of his back and ignores his little grunt of protest in favor of smearing the medicine on him. “Sorry I scratched you.”

He shrugs, his muscles rippling under her hands. “Sorry I broke your bed.”

The broken bit is just the vertical slat she’d hooked the handcuffs around, bent probably or snapped in the middle, either way enough to pull it free of the headboard. She shrugs too even though he can’t see and rubs at the base of his skull. He relaxes completely under her touch and makes a quiet little noise of contentment, almost a purr.

She resists the urge to kiss the top of his head for a moment, and then gives in before climbing off to sit on the mattress next to him. She wipes the leftover medigel on her neck where she vaguely remembers James focusing his bites, not super concerned about the marks, and then climbs under the blanket, forcefully snuggling against James’ side until he rolls a little to capture her in his arms and rest his head on her chest.

After a moment, he sits up, peels the blanket down to bare her breasts to him, and then puts his head back down between them with another little contented noise that makes her heart clench. She rakes her fingers through the wet mop on top of his head to try and distract herself from the feel of his breath ghosting across her skin. 

“You don’t want a smoke?”

She jumps at his voice, and he squeezes her in a little apology. “I’m trying to quit.”

He rumbles a sleepy acknowledgement and nuzzles a little closer. “How’s that going?”

“I keep snacking instead, so I feel like I’ve gained like… five pounds this week.” Her eyes start to drift closed, but her fingers keep tangling in James’ hair.

He shifts enough to pinch at her side. “Can’t really tell yet.” 

She pops the top of his head, an absurd giggle working its way out of her throat. “Quit it.”

Silence descends on them as his fingers stroke her side instead of pinching at it, and she lets him keep up the little gesture even though it makes her want to laugh again. 

The next time he speaks, she has to drag herself back from the brink of unconsciousness. How is he still awake after all that?

“I didn’t say it earlier, but, um… I’m not… I’m not sleeping with anyone else. Haven’t, uh, haven’t since we got back to London.”

Avery squints up at the dark ceiling, not quite able to have this conversation. “Huh? Me neither. Who has the time, really.” She grins, but he doesn’t laugh like she thought he might. Her chest tightens again, but for a completely different reason than his reaction to getting to hold her skin-to-skin the way he wants. It’s the same almost-panic that intruded before their shower, that question of how she feels and how  _ he  _ feels and what the future holds for them when their paths are going in such different directions.

“I mean, I just thought…” Avery catches her breath, body tensing, and he trails off. He turns his head to press a kiss between her breasts and then relaxes again. “Never mind,” he says. “Let’s just get some sleep.”

She plays with his hair until well after he begins to snore, still staring up at her ceiling, both curious and terrified at what he was  _ just thinking. _

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, Avery. Sometimes you just want to give her a good hard shake. GOOD NEWS: there are two or three more installments to this universe. BAD NEWS: this one took me five months to write, so idk how long the next one will take. I think it's actually going to be even longer than this one.


End file.
